Whispers
by Kage kioku aji tenshi
Summary: Summary: What I never told you
1. Chapter 1

Summary: What I never told you.

* * *

"Hey, Alec, it's been awhile, hasn't it? I'm sorry I couldn't make itearlie rbut with all the things happening now that Valentine is gone Clary and I just haven't had much time.

"Shit, that's an excuse, I just, I don't know what to say, never did really. How many times did you bail us out of whatever my loud mouth got us into? From what I remember it was a lot.

"Izzy has been by, I see, she left some pretty flowers behind. Smell funny though." Jace sighed quietly, "I don't know what I'm doing, Alec, I'm trying but I was never meant to be the Head of the Institute and Izzy doesn't want it. She and Lydia much prefer tearing down and rebuilding the Clave, I don't think they are planning on keeping the name.

"Mom went out with Luke the other day and came back giggling. If I hadn't seen it, buddy... she's been happy, happier than I ever saw her with Robert.

"Max killed his first Demon with Magnus the other day. Magnus has been a huge help, not just him but Warlocks in general, with the rebuilding and a woman named Catarina Loss has been wonderful with fixing Demon wounds."

Jace put his head in his hands and sniffled.

"Shit, Alec, I mis you and I'm so freaking scared I'm gonna mess everything up even with everybody helping me. They say I'm doing great but I don't know. You'd tell me if I was doing something wrong and I need you. I never told you that before. I need you so much. More than you ever needed me. It always played the other way but I know that you'd have been fine without me, me not so much. I never told you how many times you saved my life by just... showing up outside my door on nights I couldn't sleep or by asking for a spar out of the blue... I never told you how much you meant to me, Alec, please, you need to wake up, please." Jace begged as he held Alec's limp hand in his and stared at the man laying still in the Hospital bed.

* * *

So, As I finished this I realized that it came off a little more Alec/Jace Romantic than I intended and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that as I don't actively ship them. So, I'm gonna tag it as Jace/Alec but um, that's not what it started as or was meant to be... then again Alec was supposed to be dead so that's something else.

No plans for a sequel but well, you never know, heck, I never know either until I'm sat down and the words start flowing so, that's all for now.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary:

* * *

Alec woke slowly, like drifting on the lake in the quiet stillness of morning. There were murmuring voices, like the lapping of waves against the shore and Alec found himself asleep before long as the indistinct sounds flowed together into a low rumbling that almost vibrated through him like thunder after a lightning show.

He drifted, up towards the voices, down away from them into soothing and comforting darkness, like the gentle bobbing of water, Alec allowed himself to drift in the warmth that surrounded him, fror once not fighting against the darkness that danced around him and kept the pain away.

He'd woken completly once and his eyes had opened and all throughout his body his nerve endings screamed in alarm and pain, there had been so much pain as he had dragged himself up through the darkness until the murmur of voices became a single one that he'd woken to a long, loud scream that echoed around the room he was in and such was the pain that it took him several long, drawn out moments to realized that it was his voice that echoed around him as the other voices tried to be heard over his scream.

And then there was a dusting of blue magic and golden glitter and the pain faded away as darkness came and enveloped him, the pain chased away by the comforting warmth the pressed softly against his forehead and for a moment his vison cleared and through the pained fog Alec thought he saw Magnus' smiling and reassuring face and knew that nothing would be able to harm him further and that every thing would be fine when he woke again.

* * *

Alec drifted through a haze of numbness, and he shifted up and slowly the fog cleared as he opened his heavy eyes and turned his head to see whose hand clasped tight around his own. Alec could only tell by the pressure the he felt, his twitching fingers hitting solidness instead of nothing, but he felt nothing, there was no pain and his body seemed to take it's time foloowing his mind's orders.

Alec's lips twitched as his eyes fell on Jace, his Parabatai, sleeping half slumped on his bed, forehead aaginst Alec's leg, but in the chair at his bedside and his hand twisted around Alec's.

He looked tired and lost, so much like the young boy that had first stepped into the Institute so long ago, he'd been so lost and scared then too, and Alec... Alec was a big brother before anything else, even being a Shadowhunter came second much to his parents' dismay.

So, Alec, seeing this lost little boy had decided that he was going to take care of him just like he did with Izzy and if it meant late nights coming to Jace's room when he could almost feel the distress the other boy gave off or suggesting a sparring match when the rest of the world became too overwhelming and Jace just needed something to take his mind off of it then that's what Alec did.

It had felt like Alec had been losing Jace lately with Clary around, and it hurt because Alec had always been on the outside looking in but it had never been so glaringly obvious before when it was him, Jace, and Izzy against the world and then Jace had kept chosing Clary, and suddenly it was Jace and Clary against the world and Izzy had started hanging out with Simon and Alec was alone.

It was almost strange seeing Jace at his side, usually Alec was the one in the chair, Angel, Alec couldn't even remember the last time he'd gone to medical for anything that would have gotten him put in a bed, most of the time Alec would bandage himself up and on an occasion or two Izzy and Jace.

Alec looked up as the Infirmary door banged open and Magnus swooped in.

Alec smiled softly at the Warlock who froze as he noticed that Alec was staring at him.

"Alexander?!" Magnus cried as he rushed forwards and sent a quick fire message away, "How are you feeling? Do you feel any pain?"

Alec shook his head, "'S'all numb and floaty."

Magnus smiled, "Good, you had us all worried when you woke up screaming."

Alec's eyes flickered down to Jace with a frown as the man hardly twitched as Magnus spoke and Magnus was making no effort to be quiet.

"Ahh, him, he's refused to leave your side since you were allowed visitors, we finally covinced him to keep the paperwork in the office and he could sit with you in the evenings. Of course he's spelled right now, he hasn't been sleeping and Catarina was getting tired of answering the same questions because he didn't remember asking them."

Alec grinned and giggled.

"Yes, yes, he's drivng every one up the wall." Magnus sat on the bed opposite Jace and took Alec's hand in his, "We were worried, I was worried you weren't..."

"I'm okay." Alec whispered, "I'm sorry I worried you."

"Alexander, no matter what I am always going to worry over you, just like you worry about Jace and Isabelle, I love you." Magnus told him.

Alec nodded slowly, "Was everyone else okay?"

"Yes, darling, no one else got more than a couple bruises and those mostly belonged to Jace from when he carried you back." Magnus explained.

"Valentine?"

"Dead."

Alec nodded and yawned.

Magnus smiled, "Go on and go back to sleep, the spell I cast for the pain will make you very sleepy, even after you no longer need it."

"Jace." Alec murmured.

"Will be glad to hear you woke, even if he missed it."

"Sleep, Alec, talk later." Jace slurred, eyes blurry and unfocused, "Gotta talk."

"Okay, Jace." Alec murmured as he drifted off again.

"You'd better go back to sleep too, mister." Magnus told Jace, "I don't even know how you woke up with the spell Cat' cast."

"Knew she spelled me." Jace muttered.

"You need the sleep, Jace, you've been running practically non stop, how can you help Alec get better if you're not doing so good yourself?" Magnus asked as he spelled one of the other medical cots closer and helped the spelled man onto it before scooting it so there was no space between the two bed, "Now sleep."

"Thanks, Magnus." Jace muttered.

"Of course." Magnus said as he added his own strength to Catarina's spel and Jace's eyes closed.

Magnus watched the two men sleep for a moment before he went to meet with Catarina and explain what happened.


	3. Chapter 3

Summary:

* * *

"Hey." Jace said as he sat next to Alec.

"Hey, how's everthing?"

"Huh? Oh, everthing is fine, I was hoping we could talk?" Jace asked.

"Sure, you can always talk to me, Jace." Alec smiled and leaned back against the pile of pillows that Magnus had snuck into the Infirmary for Alec when Alec had complained that the one he had was too hard, everytime the Shadowhunter nurse tried removing it it would just reappear back on Alec's lap until they finally sighed and gave up.

"I..." Jace looked lost as though he hadn't known that.

"Hey, come here." Alec said opening his arms and Jace fell into them, curling up next to Alec on the small bed, draping his legs over Alec's where they laid flat on the bed, "You're lucky I'm so much taller than you that I can still do this."

Jace smiled a little remembering many nights tucked up tight against Alec as the man held him through his nightmares and hummed softly or, when Alec couldn't sleep either reading aloud from one of his thick Institute Textbooks until Jace passed out from boredom.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" Alec asked.

"I... you always do so much for me, Izzy too, and we never thank you, we hardly even aknowledge you do anything and you just let us and I... we almost lost you, Alec... I could feel you drifting away. I could feel it, our bond streatched and I could feel it fraying apart and I thought... I thought it was going to snap and you were going to be gone and I never told you how much you mean to me and I'm sorry for being such a brat and..."

"Jace," Alec interrupted, "Jace, you're my little brother, and I'm pretty sure being bratty and ungrateful is in the younger sibling handbook somewhere."

"Alec..."

"Jace, I always knew how you felt, I can feel it through our bond when I check up on you after bad missions or when you have fights with Clary." Alec told him.

"What?" Jace asked, "You can tell..."

"What you're feeling?" Alec asked, "Usually, your emotions are pretty cut and dry, You're angry, frustrated, sad, although there was the whole confusion when you thought Clary was your sister but, hey, every one feels confused somedays."

Jace frowned, "Why can't I tell that for you?"

"Have you tried?" Alec asked.

"No."

"There you go, I have to actively try to get what you're feeling, I don't ike to it's kind of an invasion of privacy but sometimes I get worried when you don't talk to me." Alec told him.

"I'm sorry."

"So, how do you want to fix it?" Alec asked.

"What?" Jace asked.

"You're obviously worried I won't know what's going on with you, so, how do you want to fix it?"

"We could talk?" Jace asked.

Alec raised an eyebrow.

"Right, that would never work because I'm horrible."

Alec chuckled, "You're not horrible, how about once a week we have lunch, just us, and maybe I'll talk Magnus around into having family dinners."

"Okay."

"And we can only talk about our significant others for, I don't know, thirty minutes." Alec said.

"Wow, you'd listen to me talk aboit Clary that long?"

Alec rolled his eyes, "Jace, we once had a three hour sparring session and I sware all you talked about was how Clary's hair looked in different lighting. That amount of time was just so we don't worry them by spending hours without contacting them, you know we'd both lose track of the time."

Jace grinned, "Yeah, but even you have to admit Clary's hair looks like fire when the setting sun hits it."

"I have to admit nothing." Alec said, seriously.

They sat in silence for a while and Jace was almost asleep against Alec's chest when it rumbled.

"Sometimes I just want to pour water over her because it takes a moment to realize she's not on fire." Alec muttered.

Jace fell asleep with a smile.


End file.
